Back to Basics

To call the game an epic battle would be more than presumptuous. It was after all, just a spring baseball game with two unfamiliar teams playing, not dying to win but simply hoping to improve. Still, the game had all the qualities of an early exhibition that draws baseball lovers and lifers to baseball in March.

The setting for the game was predictable. The field was not suited for the crowds or the pageantry of an opening day. The sun was bright and the sky was cloudless, but not quite warm. The players wore long sleeve undershirts beneath their fresh jerseys, and there were more than a few sweaters and hoodies in the bleachers. Like any other spring game there, were toddlers seeing a baseball game for the first time, and there were snowbirds spending an afternoon outdoors before finding an early supper. Pretty girls were daring to wear shorts for the first time this year despite the shifty breeze. The clamor of batting practice in nearby cages underscored the sounds from the actual game itself.

All the coaches on each side were as nervous as a first timer in a middle school play. Were they ready for even this modest stage? Had they done enough to prepare their teams? Would they flub their line-ups?

Baseball may have long lost the title of “America’s Pastime” to football or reality television or “internet research,” but spring baseball still quarries the sports fan’s unlimited mines of romance and optimism.

The game featured two of the league’s brightest stars. It would be the first game action for each player this spring. These two guys were friends, having been teammates two seasons ago. At that time, they were simply emerging contributors, players still creating their game while making great plays occasionally rather than often. This is the season they will undoubtedly be hitting their prime. They have become the type of player that draws a little more buzz from the crowd when they step up to the plate.

Befitting his star status, one player arrived in a Jaguar. As is the custom nowadays, the stars made pleasantries before the game and reconnected after a long off-season. Once the game began, their performances did not disappoint. Swinging on the third pitch across the plate, the first star homered to left center field. The second star ripped a triple in his first at bat in the bottom half of the inning. Later, they would each make stellar defensive plays, including an unassisted double play off of a hard liner seemingly destined for extra bases. When the game ended, both players would be just one at bat away from possibly “hitting for the cycle.” But, true to the nature of these spring exhibitions, neither player had a fourth at bat because the teams had made a gentlemen’s agreement before the game to spread the at bats around the line-ups.

The game was as it should have been, a showcase for all the players, not just the superstars. It was also an opportunity to witness improvements all along the rosters and expose areas to be marked for improvement. On the dim side, the base running at times was more laughable than laudable. First and third base coaches were ignored with regularity. On the other hand, future stars showed glimpses of their potential and proved that the relentless repetitions of drills in practices were paying dividends. One highlight was a thrilling relay from the left fielder to the shortstop on to home plate. The tag was applied perfectly for an ESPN highlight-reel out. On this play the cogs were in place, the machine was operating perfectly.

This spring baseball game was not a classic, and you didn’t need to see box score, and the home run doesn’t count, but baseball had returned. This was a good thing. The fans cheered for their favorites once again. They left the park pleased and optimistic. There was definitely hope on both sides for a winning season. The coaches learned more from this game than they could have hoped. And the players, they wondered and wandered around after the game. What was their real concern? Being four, five and six year old boys, they just wanted their snack.

The Oscar Gamble Effect

It would seem that a any athletically inclined, creative type could dream up thousands of relatable sports topics in seconds. A writer should be able to easily fill the new Yankee Stadium with ideas. If there isn't, there should be a phrase in cliche cyberspace that goes something like, “There is always room in the world for one more good sportswriter?” Unfortunately, some days, some of us don't think so good, and the idea train is stuck in Des Moines.

This is when it is time to take the blunt end of the shovel to the blunt end of the brain and dig.

After failing to glean any great topics from the midweek events in between the Super Bowl and baseball’s opening day, also known as the basketball and hockey regular seasons, I had to work a little harder than usual (not much harder mind you) to create questions that only I would be brave, funny and genius enough to answer. The result, “What is the funniest thing I have seen in sports?”

The answer then became so obvious, it’s embarrassing. The funniest thing in sports is Oscar Gamble’s seventies afro on his baseball card. This quickly reminded me that I needed to buy baseball cards for the 4, 5 and 6 year olds that come to me like grasshoppers to the sansei for enlightenment three times a week. Then finally, a topic worthy of the memory of a writer and his laptop materialized: baseball cards.

Like the Tonight Show: More to Come:

The Tiger Situation

After the winter of media hibernation, Tiger Woods apologized for his rampant infidelity last week. Hacks, of the writing and of the golf variety, now get their turn to play judge, palm reader, and preacher. No one, it seems, is afraid to speak out when it comes to Tiger and his indiscretions. Already, there have been and will continue to be some pretty interesting takes on sports’ most famous apology.

Here’s one great viewpoint formed well ahead of Tiger’s press conference. This opinion began taking shape in feeble minds when Tiger’s harem seemed more like Charlie’s Angels than the Dirty Dozens. “Why is Tiger even apologizing? He is just doing what every man wishes he could do. He’s just talking because he wants to get more cheese from those sponsors.” This is great guy to have on your side, unless you’re building a rocket ship or trying to find a cure for cancer.

Some members of the media also began forming their opinions well before Tiger finally spoke. They complained, “If he doesn’t take any questions how can it be real apology?” This is like one of my jilted daughters saying about the other, “I don’t want her apology because she won’t mean it.” There may be some truth to these statements, but that’s not how anyone tries to raise their kids. The media guy who says this is also the one who complains that athletes make too much money. He also likes to take his son to autograph shows wearing an authentic replica player’s jersey.

Somewhere in the middle of this, someone interviews a celebrity for his/her opinion of the “Tiger Woods Situation.” This is of course not be confused with Jersey Shore’s The Situation. (Unfortunately, Because we create and come to adore our celebrities way too easily, The Situation is now officially qualified to comment on the Tiger Woods Situation). Celebrity plus microphone has never been a reliable recipe for brilliance, reason and/or morals. Again, See Jersey Shore. When the celebrity opinion rears appears on screen, it’s time to change the channel quickly. Very rarely is this actually insightful. Usually it’s like watching model trains run into each other. While the scene may entertain us briefly, you’re not really learning anything new and could have gone through the rest of your day without seeing it.

Other media members took this stance. “He bared his soul. He was vulnerable. I felt sorry for him.” It is amazing how “this guy” morphs himself into some licensed psychoanalyst and ordained pastor instantly just because he has an audience. This is the guy that also becomes a political hack every three and half years and tells us what is wrong with our country and which way we need to vote.

Of course, none of these positions matter. They are ridiculously predictable and tiresome to read, hear or see. I found myself thinking about much more important things over the weekend. Can we ever make it to church on time? Who should hit clean-up on our four, five and six year old youth baseball team? Why are their no bases on a baseball practice field? Can the U. S. hockey team really win a gold medal in Vancouver? What channel is MSNBC? Why did it take me 25 years to appreciate hot and sour soup?

Fact is, Tiger made his apology. Now comes the heavy lifting. He is just now lacing up his Nikes, his marathon course to decency t is about to start. And although it may not be fun for a hack like me to admit, this cliche is the best analysis: actions do speak louder than words. Good luck, Tiger.

Open Position

If you happen to be running a Fortune 500 company, do yourself a favor. Don’t hire PGA golf pro Ernie Els as your Vice-President of Marketing and Brand Awareness. Send his resume to your competition.

On Thursday, Els blasted the easiest target and punch-line of the 2000s, Tiger Woods. From the site of the current Accenture Match Play Championship outside of Tuscon, Els told Golfweek, "It's selfish. You can write that. I feel sorry for the sponsor. Mondays are a good day to make statements, not Friday. This takes a lot away from the golf tournament.” Incidentally, Tiger Woods was a pitchman for Accenture before he got caught in all of his “night-putting.” Accenture was among the first sponsors to drop him.

It probably wasn’t orchestrated as such, but Woods is doing his former sponsor a favor. The PGA tour version 2010 hasn’t really started in the minds of the common fan. Last week was the annual “Bill Murray I’m Still Relevant and Ray Romano I wish I Were Relevant Pro-Am at Pebble Beach.” Playing three courses over four day with amateurs by the ocean is like a typical weekend at Myrtle Beach. Fans don’t begin to follow the tour until the Master’s is around the corner. (Pun intended). By holding his press conference at 11:00 Eastern, Tiger is providing an amazing lead-in for GolfChannel’s tournament coverage. Suddenly, people are discussing the Accenture Match Play. Hello Ernie, they are pumping the name like never before. Hell, if you asked a conversational fan before yesterday, they would associate Buick as a Woods sponsor before they would Accenture. (Buick dropped Tiger in the spring of ’09).

Like it or not, Tiger is actually working some good spin. It’s simple, the media is upset because Tiger has once again proved to be the Untouchable. He has become the Holy Grail of sports and pop culture. Choosing a Friday to make his first visual mea culpa was genius. Many in the media, even the bottom feeding bloggers, still earn the majority of their living before the weekend. The media consumer spends much less time ducking their boss and doing “internet research” on Saturdays and Sundays than the rest of the week.

The setting for Tiger’s statement is also brilliant. He will speak from TPC Sawgrass, the home links of the PGA. This association gives Tiger a powerful if unofficial support group. PGA Commissioner Tim Finchem can not let his cash cow be grilled by the media.

Although this production will be scripted like a James Cameron vehicle, it really doesn’t matter much. Other athletes have prepped us for this moment. The general public doesn’t require full disclosure. If you were furious and vocally upset in November and December, you will be after the press conference. A blind follower of the Tiger pack will remain so. Everyone wants Tiger to field questions, no doubt about it but that doesn’t mean he is foolish enough to do it. Tiger just wants to get up and down (couldn’t resist) this morning, he is not trying to hit the improbable hole in one (sorry). Today the real audience is the mainstream. It is for those of us that have a short term memory, are easily influenced and love to watch the best of the best. Today, Tiger will start to take America back. His performance on the course and will determine the success of his comeback.

Sorry Ernie. Sorry golf world. Like it or not, many have learned before you. It’s just easier to take Tiger lying down.

NO Love

The New Orleans Saints Super Bowl XLIV win is undoubtedly a feel great story. New Orleans is a city with chins up and glasses raised, proudly recovering and revitalizing in the wake of the devastation of Hurricane Katrina. It’s a proud city colored with bright characters and often caricatures. Congratulations to the most hospitable borough in the South.

That doesn’t mean everyone is smiling. A certain group of NFL fans aren’t just dealing with the usual post-Super Bowl chemical induced hangover. For fans of the Atlanta Falcons, the Saints most familiar NFL adversary, the hangover is figurative as well. Consider the depressed, joyless existence of Atlanta Falcon fans post Super Bowl XLIV.

While the New Orleans Saints fan happily celebrate one more parade on the Mardi Gras schedule, the Atlanta fan is the jealous, jilted stepsister. Before Sunday, the two cities and franchises shared so much in common; most notably they shared unmatched ineptitude in the NFL as if it was in their professional football DNA. The Saints fans wore grocery bags on their heads in shame. The Falcons bagged head coach Marion Campbell after winning only two of eleven games in the seventies. Then they brought him back for three more years of futility in the eighties.

Both cities are expansion franchises from the late sixties. They entered the NFL one year apart. Both teams were whipping boys of the geographically challenged NFC West for years. If you see a Joe Montana or Steve Young to Jerry Rice highlight, you will see a Saint or a helpless Falcon defensive back. Since the league’s realignment, these two rivals play in the NFC South. Masses of fans road trip by planes, trains and automobiles in an annual drunken crusade in vain attempts to validate each other’s insignificance.

And unlike some “can ESPN make it happen rivalry,” these teams are actually rivals. From the mid- sixties to real-time, the teams have traded wins while they sharing frivolous seasons. All-time the Falcons have a record of 282 wins, 399 losses and 6 ties. The Saints are 280-384-5. No two opponents could be so equal in their inefficiency. (The Falcons lead the all-time series with 44 wins to the Saints 37).

The parallels continue away from the field. New Orleans has Bourbon St, and Atlanta has Peachtree St.

These two cities are the most visited in the south. (With no apology to Miami, even if Miami wants to be part of the south: it is not, can not and will not ever be in the south).

New Orleans has Popeye’s chicken. Atlanta has "The Big Chicken."

New Orleans weather is the precursor of Atlanta weather. If you want to know what the weather will be like in Atlanta tomorrow, check out what it’s like in New Orleans today. Oddly, both teams play in domed stadiums despite having mild southern climates.

Both franchises fan base is linked to an SEC school with rich football heritage. Baton Rouge and Athens are both about an hour away from New Orleans and Atlanta respectively. If you cheer for LSU or Georgia on Saturday, you cheer (usually a little less passionate and a lot more hung-over) for Saints or Falcons on Sunday.

Atlanta’s most famous mayor (also former UN Ambassador) Andrew Young, and most-famous writer-actor-director, Tyler Perry, are natives of The Big Easy.

The “alternative life-stylers” never have trouble meeting new people in either city.

Both teams’ most famous coaches, Mike Ditka of the Saints and Dan Reeves of the Falcons, did their best work in other NFL cities only to be cast away and sent to the south.

The teams have even shared some of their most beloved players. Kicker Morten Anderson has scored the most points in Saints and Falcons history. Quarterback Bobby Hebert was the hometown boy made good in Louisiana until he came to be loved in Atlanta for ending the Chris Miller era. He may be more recognized as a Saint, but Hebert made his only Pro Bowl as a Falcon. Hebert has done sports talk radio in both cities and his son was a prep star in metro Atlanta before accepting a scholarship to …LSU.

New Orleans gave the world Lil’ Wayne, and Atlanta gave the world Ludacris.

In many ways the cities and their fans were more alike than different. Separation wasn’t necessary because the comparisons were so similar. Then, Sunday happened. Now, it’s game-on for a “super” Mardi Gras in New Orleans, but it’s still game-over in Atlanta. New Orleans will keep celebrating with Abita beer, Atlanta will mourn with Sweetwater.

A Wedge Between Them

This week the golf world finally took its eyes off Tiger Woods. Specifically, the PGA players, executives and media took their Ping Eye 2 wedges off Tiger.

In the off season certain wedges with specific grooves said to generate excessive spin, and therefore superior control, were banned by the PGA in events. This exercise is proving to be an obvious but less than foresightful attempt to slow down the technological advances on equipment. The vision is to reward a player’s skill, not celebrate space-aged product innovation. Unsuccessful attempts to “Tiger-proof” golf courses from booming drives over the last decade have made this step necessary in the eyes of golf’s governing body. Some might say it’s like choosing plastic surgery because the diet didn’t work, or visca versa. Unfortunately, one wedge was grandfathered via an oversight, the Ping Eye 2 wedge. Ironically, the club was designed and crafted before April 1, 1990. April Fool’s Day, can you hear Alanis Morrisette in the background?

This new rule caused only a ripple of comments from critics while the PGA was starting the season in the middle of the Pacific in January. Thanks to the appearance of a Ping Eye 2 in the bag of the world’s second best golfer: Phil Mickelson at Torrey Pines last week in San Diego, the rule has suddenly become cause celeb. Lefty, who Alanis Morrisette may or may not know is actually right-handed off the course, became the perfect target for a freshman member of the tour’s Player Advisory Council, Scott McCarron. McCarron a tour player since 1995, is proving a less lovable but equally laughable imitation of Mayberry’s Deputy Barney Fife. He told the San Francisco Chronicle last Friday (before missing the cut at Torrey Pines), "It's cheating, and I'm appalled Phil has put it in play."

Hold on to your putter, big boy. It’s not cheating. Golfers, and not just Mickelson, are using a club that is legal. To quote Zach Galifianakis’ character in The Hangover, “It’s not illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.” Sidebar- The Hangover 2 is in the works. This week McCarron apparently realized that Mickelson is the current Alpha male on tour and not merely a newly appointed hall monitor. (A hall monitor that has not played in more than two majors in a year since 2003). McCarron swiftly apologized. Satisfied that he made his point regarding the tour’s less than due diligence regarding the process of outlawing equipment, Mickelson pulled the Ping wedge out of his bag this week.

Speaking of putters, McCarron has employing a belly putter since 1992. The belly putter is not only the second most controversial club on tour, it is the club Ted Knight would be using if he were to be alive and filmmakers were making Caddyshack 4.

So what did we learn this week? First, that the PGA underestimated the creativity and gamesmanship of their professional athletes. The Ping Eye 2 is not illegal. Of course some guys want to take any advantage to be competitive and win. Secondly, the tour remains a collection of independent contractors free to do as they please as long as they perform. They will do mostly as they please. Remember just last year, pleas from sponsors did nothing significant to increase the star player’s participation in lesser known events. Third, there are more skirmishes down the fairway as golf’s governing bodies across the globe try to manage inevitable equipment advances. Ping, and their competitors like Nike and Callaway, pay big money to players and for research and development in order to get their products into the hands of weekend hackers everywhere. Lastly we learned, whether anyone likes it or not, Phil Mickelson is the new, albeit interim, sheriff in town.

All-Star Games ... Really

Professional Sports All-Star games are now officially watered-down crap. First, Major League Baseball did an excellent job of de-valuing their game with 2002’s infamous tie. And now, despite various tweaks (such as the NFL moving the setting of the Pro Bowl) from all the leagues, the games keep setting new standards of insignificance. It’s mainly because the casts of these productions are not real stars. Instead of thinking Bart Starr, think David Garrard. Injuries, lame dropouts from the real stars, fan balloting and, in the case of the NFL, the scheduling of the game before the Super Bowl, have watered down the rosters. (Seven Indianapolis Colts and seven New Oreleans Saints players will not playing creating space for fourteen replacements).

This year the NBA and NFL have taken their celebrity scrimmages to new lows. Just look at the rosters. Eastern Conference starting guard Allen Iverson wasn’t good enough to play for the Memphis (Memphis?) Grizzlies in November. In January he is an All-Star for the Philadelphia 76ers.

Staying in Tennessee, the Tennessee Titans Vince Young and Kyle Vanden Bosh have both been added to the AFC Pro Bowl roster. Here are Young’s stats for ‘09: a pedestrian 82.9 passer rating and paltry 1,879 passing yards. What about his rushing totals you ask. Unfortunately, his rushing totals do not make up for his lack of passing acumen: 281 yards and two touchdowns. It is true that Young did not see significant playing time in the first four weeks of the season. However, even if he had played the full season, he would have projections look like this: 2,400 yards passing, and about 350 yards rushing.

The most surprising player on any roster of the games “superstars” is Titans defensive end Kyle Vanden Bosch. Twenty-seven defensive ends had more tackles the Vanden Bosch’s 44. Sixty-six, yes, sixty-six defensive ends had more than his 3 sacks. Those are not the stats of a filet mignon type of player, more like a Subway BMT Combo type of player.

Of these three examples, Iverson is actually the most deserving. When he takes the court with all of his body art, it’s because of his body of work. And, there is nothing wrong with that. It is unfortunate and painfully clear that the soon-to-be-Hall-of-Famer is just not an All-Star performer anymore, and one would imagine an All-Star game to be about the best of the best players.

As a kid the All-Star games were appointment TV, now it may be time to abandon the sunken ship. There has never been drama in these games and the romance is spent, replaced by charades. Because of the money and marketing generated, the respective leagues deem them necessary. But as of now, the leagues must get creative and re-invent them … really.

Go West, Young Man

Ten Quick Bullet Points (Pun Intended) on Lane Kiffin jolting the Tennessee Nation


1. The Trojans are a better for Lane Kiffin. USC is a much higher profile job. Recruiting, which is a strength of Kiffin’s, will be much simpler in So Cal. The Pac-10 is a much easier conference to win, with less competition and no championship game. Finally, Kiffin has been on the west coast since graduating high school.

2. Kiffin is the best USC could do. The had already been turned by better names such as Mike Riley and Jack del Rio. Hell, in a lot of ways he is Washington coach Steve Sarkisian “lite,” with a more Hollywood friendly name recognition.

3. Tennessee will not go as outside the box with their next hire. They got burned by Kiffin. He left, taking his Daddy and Ed Orgeron with him, after only fourteen months. UT only won seven games in his lone season and faces possible recruiting violations. Three players were arrested on gun charges exactly two months ago. The Vols need stability.

4. Somewhere, Phillip Fulmer is saying, "You ran me out for this?

5. Tennessee fans have to keep changing their drawers, or at least flip them inside out, every couple of hours.


6. In Seattle, Pete Carroll is very happy. The Kiffin hiring has taken all the focus off his rapid exodus to the Seattle Seahawks.





7. In Knoxville, Bruce Pearl is jumping for joy. Kiffin’s departure, coupled with the basketball Vols upset of No. 1 Kansas, means the December gun and marijuana “incident” involving the four hoopsters at the convenience store parking lot virtually disappears.

8. Georgia defensive coach Rodney Garner is contemplating a change of address. Garner, a former UT assistant, is an outstanding recruiter and holds the title of Assistant Head Coach at Georgia. He wasn’t seriously considered for the indefinitely vacant defensive coordinator job by Mark Richt and may not be head coaching stock. Still, no matter what the title, he would be invaluable helping Tennessee hold on to the current recruiting class (currently ranked sixth in the country by Rivals and Scouts.com).

9. In Lubbock, new Texas Tech coach Tommy Tuberville is pissed.



10. Frankly, my dear, Nick Saban doesn’t give a damn. And, why should he? As much as it may hurt the Volunteer nation, their place in the SEC hierarchy is simply middle of the pack while their traditionally biggest rival reigns national champion.

Big Mac Admits to Using the Special Sauce

Many sports fans are going to be very well fed for the next week. Thank you, Mark McGwire.

McGwire has finally “come clean” and admitted his steroid use during his would-be Hall of Fame career. This is pure gold for sports fans.

We are in a relatively dead sports period. College bowl season is over. The NFL play-offs grab our attention only on the weekends. College basketball does not captivate the mainstream fan until March --even later for the casual NBA fan. Hockey is even less of a story than the start of a Tiger-less PGA season. Also, baseball’s hot stove league is on a low simmer.

Thanks again, Big Mac.

Regardless of your stance on Performance Enhancing Drugs in baseball (and all sports for that matter), the McGwire admittance and plea for public forgiveness is funny in some unexpected ways. Enjoy it even though it may not be entirely “ha-ha funny.”

It’s funny because everyone, including the Maris family, has acknowledged for about a decade that the guy was on steroids.

It’s funny because he claims that steroids did not help his “gift” of hitting home runs. That’s like Pamela Anderson saying that her looks did not help her become an actress. No, Pamela, it was your strong, classical thespian skills that landed the Baywatch job.

McGwire said “There's no way I did this for any type of strength use." Really. That’s very interesting Mark. Why not just tell us, “My increased muscle size and power were an unforeseen and surprising side effect of taking steroids coupled with working out.”





It’s funny because some comic genius in the media unearthed Grandpa Simpson aka Bob Feller. Lucky for us when interviewed, Bob was just being Bob. When told that Big Mac didn’t think the PEDs helped him hit home runs, Feller responded, "I think that's a lot of horse muffins … If it didn't help him any, what the hell was he taking them for?” Horse muffins? Thanks, Grandpa.

It’s funny because Bobby Knight of all people is spinning for McGwire. This gives us the sporting world’s oddest man-love-triangle: Mark McGwire-Tony LaRussa- Bobby Knight. The casual fan knows that McGwire and LaRussa were co-dependent in Oakland and then again in St. Louis. More serious fans have seen interviews pairing the odd couple of LaRussa and Knight over the years. That by itself is kind of funny. Remember, LaRussa is an animal activist and vegetarian. Knight is an avid hunter, almost always preying on animals without opposable thumbs.

ESPN aired the comments of the legendary coach and current network employee, regarding McGwire. This was priceless. Here is an excerpt of the General’s musing on McGwire, “He is one of the great people I have ever met in sports … I don’t think Mark got good advice in his appearance before the Senate committee. I think that had Tony (LaRussa) and I been advising him, he would have come off a lot different.” Two quick thoughts. First, is Knight suggesting we should hold McGwire in the same esteem as Jackie Robinson and Roberto Clemente? Second, Knight may have just hit on another great post-coaching career path: The Bobby Knight School of Public and Media Relations.

Enjoy the laughs now because McGwire is finally putting his past behind him.

Despite the unintended train-wreck humor, the healing process has begun for McGwire. More twists and turns in the story lie ahead. The jury will not deliver the verdict of public opinion on the PED generation for some time. McGwire’s behavior, from this point forward, will be more impactful on his legacy than the verbiage of his apology. But moving forward, he can say he apologized. This makes him a little more like Andy Petite and a little less like Roger Clemens.

Welcome to the Avatar Bowl

The new school West Point football unis


Rodney Dangerfield once told this joke: I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. After watching the uniforms Boise State and TCU rocked the in the Fiesta Bowl, he might have said something different. “I turned on my Xbox and a college football game broke out.”

On the other hand, the NFL is the No Fun League when it comes to uniforms. Players are expected to resemble storm troopers in their uniformity. Should they step outside the line, they get fined by the uniform police. Interesting fact: Merton Hanks, the long-necked former pro bowl San Francisco 49er defensive back, is the head of the uniform police.

Even old school college fans can appreciate, or lament, the “new college try.” Teams like Oregon, TCU and even the service academies give us something to talk about on the field … other than the game itself. Poor Joe Paterno, the first thing he'll do when he's finally buried is roll over in his grave.

Congrats Peyton, Here is Your MVP

Don't be so sad Peyton, you just won the MVP



Peyton Manning won the NFL MVP on Sunday, and he won it with a signature moment. His signature moment was not a tight spiral over the middle to Dallas Clark to convert a first down. His signature moment was not a nicely lofted fade to Reggie Wayne in the corner of the end zone to complete a fourth quarter comeback. Hell, it was not even one those painful to watch, and rarest of rare, Manning naked bootlegs into the end zone.


Manning won the MVP when nationally televised cameras showed Colts defensive captain and star linebacker Gary Brackett on the sidelines. Some pictures say so much more than a thousand words. As the Jets mounted an unlikely comeback against the undefeated Colts, Head Coach Jim Caldwell benched many of his star players. Manning and Brackett were on the sidelines. The Colt’s defensive captain's expression was priceless. Brackett’s face was vacant and without passion. He was not a warrior in the midst of battle. He looked like a disinterested father at a school play. The school play where your son is Rabbit #4. The school play when your son’s first line is his only line. The school play where your son’s line is … You get the idea.

Statistically, there are many viable MVP candidates. Chris Johnson, Drew Brees Phillip Rivers, Aaron Rodgers and Manning are the most prominent. By not being on the field today, Peyton actually showed how he is the Indianapolis Colts. The presence of Manning on the sideline and not in the hudddle, undermined and altered the persona of his collective teammates. He has been the face of his entire team for so long, he has become the team. The Colts without Manning are Starbuck's without coffee. His determination will probably not be enough to win the Colts the Superbowl this season. (Peyton and the Colts can not run the ball well enough or play enough defense to survive the playoff tournament). But Sunday, it was enough to win him another MVP.

Not so Bold, Not so Daring and/ or Possible Happenings for 2010

Following are some predictions for 2010. Please consider:


Brett Farve will retire, at least once.

Mainstream sports fans will follow the World Cup. (It is a soccer event). ESPN will shove it down our throats. Because ESPN says so, we will mindlessly watch, briefly. Regardless of result, the American side (that’s what they call a soccer team) will disappoint us. The American fan will fall back into a world of disinterest.

The NBA play-offs will end just before Labor Day. The TV ratings will be great though because the Lakers will be in the finals.

The winter Olympics will take place, I think. You won’t watch for more than an hour combined.

The American League will win the All-Star Game.

Defense will win championships.

You won’t even try to find a regular season hockey game on television.

Tiger will play in and win at least one tournament before the Master’s. All will be forgiven but questions will remain. Men will still wonder why Tiger’s harem included some of those women (unattractive). Seriously, he could have done better than the one with the cubic zirconia bedazzle on her face.

None of these events will matter as much the sports you, family or friends will play in the backyard or the local park in your community.

From the Tiger Beat

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger

The beat goes on for Tiger. Some media members have really sunk their teeth into Tiger Woods, and they are going for the kill. As Marlin Perkins taught us at an early age, it is not likely they will let go anytime soon. Public opinion will certainly follow.

Tiger has now, along with many other high profile athletes, been linked to a Canadian doctor who has a litany of links to performance enhancing drugs. Dr. Anthony Galea was arrested by the Canadian Police for possessing human growth hormone and Actovegin in October. Actovegin is a drug comprised of, but not limited to, calf blood. Mind you this is “calf” as in the calf that goes “moo.” This is not “calf” as if to say, “Did you hear that fat-ass Jimmy pulled his calf muscle in the beer league softball game last Tuesday.”

Hopefully, Tiger comes out of all this o.k. Already, and for good reason, he is being punished pretty thoroughly in the court of public opinion for his “other transgressions.” Technically, he has done nothing more to draw the public’s ire, but his past has given the critic in all of us more fodder. His Q rating is falling like an “over-served” salesman’s wife at a Christmas party. Maybe he can get his family and life back together. If he cleans up his “affairs,” he will undoubtedly be forgiven. If there is anything that Americans like to do more than forgive our celebrities, it is to forgive our celebrities quickly.

This latest scenario however is quite troubling. “Arrested Canadian doctor” does not have a nice ring to it. Sometimes having a national adjective is good. We think of positive associations when we use clichés like, American ingenuity, French cuisine, Argentine beef, German engineering. On the other hand Canadian doctor has suspect connotations like unnamed Chinese government official or Iranian hair stylist or Serbian pacifist. Apparently, the Canadian doctor made multiple visits to Tiger’s home during the golfer’s recovery from a 2008 ACL tear and subsequent surgery. Why do we not conjure up the image of the 1960’s friendly, gentle family physician paying a visit to Wally and the Beaver’s house? Maybe this is because Galea has acknowledged taking HGH himself for a decade. Apparently, Galea admits to performing a procedure on Tiger called blood spinning. Blood spinning involves removing blood from the body, increasing the amount of red blood cells and then injecting the concentrated blood back into the body. This process speeds recovery. Tiger may not have done anything technically improper here, but these accounts will embolden his detractors. Anytime we hear “injections” in sports, we are conditioned to draw fateful conclusions.

As if it was needed, there is plenty more material for Tiger jokes. What some may not find funny is just bizarre. For example, the Associated Press is reporting that Galea is under investigation by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. We now have Tiger linked to the Mounties. Tiger, Mounties, what could be better? David Letterman must be thrilled. Not only did he just get to induct Tiger into his club of Rich Guys Who Like to Cheat A Hell-of-a-Lot, he just got another week’s worth (at least) of jokes that practically write themselves.

Before Thanksgiving, Tiger was considered one of the world’s most mentally strong athletes. He has made reportedly over a billion dollars by his unequalled ability to will a golf ball around a course better than anyone. He has demonstrated an uncommon ability to eliminate distractions and remain focused, with millions on the line, for thirteen years now. He does not have a track record of cracking up or mental gaffes (see Phil Mickelson 2006 U. S. Open). He has shut down distraction to win 14 major golf tournaments and seventy one PGA events. Vijay Singh, Padraig Harrington, Ernie Els and Mickelson have won 12 majors combined.

Now, we see him differently. He has repeatedly acted as someone that is above inspection. Tiger does need a break to correct his course. His choices have been bad; he has shown no concern for potential negative consequences. Before we saw him as a work of art, a complete man; now we inspect his methods and movements in the past, present and even future with apprehension. It will be interesting to see Tiger's endgame in the court of public opinion. Is he the great champion and seeking every possible advantage of cutting edge science to return from injury and compete? Or, is he corrupting golf’s lily white reputation with PEDs? Ultimately, his legacy will be decided over time. But for now, he is just a cheater.

Baseball: Ten Reasons to Love and/or Hate

It's great to see Tommy Lasorda every spring for all the wrong reasons




Baseball: Ten Reasons to Love, Hate and Wonder

Baseball is no longer America’s pastime. The internet, where you found this blog, is America’s past time. The internet is what we do to waste our time, find how to fix things and to learn from Wikipedia, not Encyclopedia Britannica.

Baseball was our nation’s pastime, but today, for a myriad or reasons it may rank just above pitiful hockey in the hierarchy of sports relevance. This is quite sad, no actually it is borderline distressing. The game is amazing, like a strange combination of a living chess match, track and field, golf and much more. It does not return dividends quickly. Baseball requires raw athleticism and rewards refined skill. Baseball is a sport that is at least as much quirky as it is athletic. These are the beautiful elements of baseball.

Baseball’s biggest strength and weakness is Major League Baseball. (MLB) carries the standard and sometimes the plunger for the game. It is the engine and the breaks. We also know the game of baseball would not survive without the presence of MLB.

The following ten elements of the game, more or less exclusive to the Major Leagues, make baseball great in an interesting and at the same time laughable and amusing and annoying way. Some idiosyncrasies that “purists” often label traditions keep it worthy of our interest at worst and fascinating at best. Some idiosyncrasies make the sport unappealing and out of our current context, others make baseball the sport that so many of us love.


Managers, Coaches and Hangers-on in Uniforms

Managers wearing uniforms is very funny. These guys are usually fat. They are often old. Their skin is not worthy of the cover of “Cosmopolitan,” see Jim Leland –rode hard put up wet with cigarette firmly planted in his face. These guys are not going to need those uniforms. As a lot, they do nothing athletic. Hell, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry when I see Bobby Cox go out on the field to change pitchers or argue with an umpire. Also, the Dodger home white uniform, my favorite uni of all, on Tommy Lasorda is a train wreck classic. Yet as fans, we know Spring is on the way when we see the post-Slim Fast Lasorda “instructing” young players every February. This is uniquely baseball. Think about this, how great would it be to see Don Nelson on the sideline in basketball shorts at an arena near you? It makes you wonder, would he wear shorts from the late sixties/ early seventies or today?

The All-Star Game (Part 1) aka the Good

To a young fan, the All-Star game was the perfect end to a summer day: baseball at the park in the morning, waffle ball and the pool in the afternoon and the game at night. It is still cool to see all the different uniforms at pregame introductions. Every year we argue which player is worthy to be selected. Is it the flash in the pan having a monster season, or is it the veteran whose performance is trending from respectable to mediocrity quickly? The mid-summer classic gets our undivided attention because the sports world is at standstill in mid July. Do the other sports have other all-star moments, rarely? Baseball has Rose and Fosse, Ripken’s home run, Reggie Jackson’s monster home run in Detroit and John Kruk trying to avoid getting killed by Randy Johnson.


The All-Star game (part 2) aka the Bad

This is the maddening part of MLB. Thanks to Bud Selig and his 7-7 tie game in 2002. Now games will not end in a tie, and the league that wins will have home field advantage for their respective World Series representative. To say this is a good idea is like saying the White Sox should bring back the black uniforms with lapels and shorts from 1977. Do we want the annual Pirates All-Star representative, be it Freddy Sanchez, Nate McClouth or Jack Wilson coming to the plate or the mound with World Series implications? No. This is truly the type of thing that makes baseball maddening.


The Forever Season

The MLB season is long. For some reason the season’s length does not get ridiculed like the NBA’s. This is because the NBA’s playoffs could be timed in trimesters. MLB starts spring training at around Valentine’s Day and this year the World Series ran into November. However, baseball also produces 162 games in a regular season to basketball and hockey’s 82, and the MLB teams usually play six days a week. This is a good thing, like a sunset. There is something comfortable in baseball’s steady, consistent route from April thru October. The box score of your team is there daily. Every morning you can check on how many hits Ichiro had the night before. On Sportscenter you can wait for Vladimir Guerrero’s furious swing at pitches no where near the strike zone that somehow turn into doubles. Baseball’s consistency is healthy summer routine. This is good.

Unbalanced Divisions and Leagues

The American league has 14 teams. The National League has 16 teams. The American League West has only four teams while the National League Central has six teams. This creates an unbalanced schedule and skews the playing field in the divisions. Do the Pirates really need the challenge of being better than five teams to win a division pennant? Do the big market, big spending Almost Los Angeles Angels need the advantage of only having to be better than three teams? This is another instance of baseball not making sense. Some will argue that the length of season and the wild card negate any advantages. This argument doesn’t hold water. There are always division champions that have worse record than the wild card entrant. Therefore, it is commonly easier to win the division than a wildcard slot. As an example, this year the Twins (American League Central champions) would have finished 9 games behind the Red Sox in the wildcard standings.

Also, in 2009 the Rockies played only 15 interleague games, while many teams played 18. Since the American league is recognized as the stronger league, it can be said the Rockies had an undue advantage.

Arbitration: Like Reality TV only much, much Better.

The arbitration process is everything reality TV is supposed to be. Reality TV is supposed to be about real people facing each other in uncomfortable, challenging situations. To bad reality TV has evolved beyond that. (Where have you gone Eric Nies)? Back on topic, this is arbitration my friends. A player, or usually his agent requests a salary and provides a supporting argument. A member of team management provides a salary, usually on the low side, and a supporting argument. The best part is the player is also in the room, while his team talks about why they feel he is not worth his asking price. In early 2003, Greg Maddux and the Braves were scheduled to meet in the arbitration room. Boy, it would have been great to hear the Braves exec explain why Greg Maddux was not worthy. The Braves representative must have been working on some strong statements such as, “Greg is really not worthy of his asking price. I mean, he has only won 3 Cy Young awards with us, he has only averaged 18 wins in his ten year’s here. Sure, he had his lowest era in four years last season, but he only pitched 199 and one third innings.” Unfortunately much like in reality TV, this moment never got to occur. Maddux and the Braves settled days before the arbitration hearing.


Please check back for part two very soon.

Send me your comments good or ignorant. Is there more of the bizarre baseball world you would like to read about? Let me know.